somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Bring me that man meat
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
