Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
