Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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