i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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