I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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