Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
