Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
