9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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