In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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