He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
