All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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