I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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