I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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