we're chasing vodka with high fives
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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