She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
