Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The struggles of a small town man whore
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
