my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
