My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
