It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
