wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
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