You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
