Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Randomize
