worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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