I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
