I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
