i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we're making bets on your personal life
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
