I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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