I like my sex mixed with concussions.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
