He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
