Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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