im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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