Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
