Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
