At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
