are you so shy because you have an std?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
