oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
