You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Let's get the cat blown out
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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