This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Randomize
