also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
