Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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