I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
