we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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