CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
