Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
