I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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