Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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