You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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