I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
