can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
