Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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