Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
