she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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